Terrible Software

What do you want from your manager right now? Think about this for a second.

Maybe it’s a promotion, maybe it’s more autonomy on your projects, maybe it’s clearer feedback on your performance, maybe it’s help removing obstacles, maybe it’s more challenging work. Whatever you picked here, I really doubt that it was “I want her to make me happy!”. And yet… when you switch to management, you probably thought that was what your team wanted from you.

One of the biggest mistakes I see new managers make is believing their primary responsibility is to ensure their team’s happiness. But that fundamentally misunderstands what management is about.

I mean, it’s natural: you probably had more bad managers than good ones throughout your career, so when you switched to management yourself, you wanted to be different.

But here’s a tough pill to swallow: if everyone on your team is constantly pleased with your decisions, you’re likely not challenging them enough. The discomfort that comes with stretching beyond comfort zones is essential for professional development and growth. A manager’s actual job isn’t creating a friction-free environment — it’s building effective teams that consistently deliver results. Team satisfaction typically follows success, not the other way around.

Many managers have the causality backward. The assumption is often that cultivating happiness leads to productivity. But the reverse is true: being part of a high-performing team that consistently ships valuable work creates a profound sense of satisfaction. Engineers don’t become happy and then start shipping — engineers who consistently ship become happy because they’re accomplishing meaningful things.

This doesn’t mean emotional well-being is irrelevant. How your team feels matters — both because they’re human beings deserving of respect, and because their emotional state provides valuable feedback about the work environment. But feelings themselves shouldn’t be what you’re optimizing for.

Let me put this bluntly: if your team is unhappy, you might face some uncomfortable conversations with your boss. But if your team is consistently failing to ship, you’ll likely find yourself updating your LinkedIn.

Companies don’t hire engineering managers to create happy places where nothing gets done. They hire managers to build teams that deliver results. This doesn’t mean creating a toxic pressure cooker, please. But it does mean having the courage to make unpopular decisions that serve the team’s long-term success, even when they cause short-term discomfort.

Think about your own growth moments. Were they always comfortable? The most significant leaps in our capabilities often come from receiving tough feedback and/or stretching beyond our comfort zones. As a manager, “protecting” your team from these growth experiences isn’t kindness — it’s slowing their development.

You should absolutely care about your team as people and create a psychologically safe environment. But you need to balance that with the courage to give direct feedback, set high standards, address performance issues, and challenge people to grow.

The irony is that when you focus on building a high-functioning team rather than just making people happy, you often end up with both. But when you focus solely on making your team happy, you end up with neither.

So the next time you’re faced with a choice between what’s popular and what’s necessary — whether it’s giving difficult feedback, making an unpopular decision, or setting a challenging goal — remember this: True leadership isn’t about being liked in the moment. It’s about building a team that accomplishes meaningful things. Because ultimately, nothing makes people happier than being part of something that matters.